Enter Marriage Slowly and Carefully

Most of the postings here derive from questions that come from our web sites. When there is a hot topic in the email we're receiving, I'll usually also discuss that topic here. For the past two months questions about the Bible and polygomy have poured in. Now that we have a new section on our web site about polygomy, that topic has died down and questions about divorce have returned to the #1 spot.

Christians have tended to adopt the culture's view on divorce--it's something that happens--it's no big deal. But it is a big deal. The Bible clearly says that God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16). The Bible makes it clear marriage is forever. Unless your spouse has passed away, you can only marry once. There are circumstances in which the Bible says it is okay to get divorced (1Corinthians 7:15 for example - if a non-Christian spouse leaves the marriage) -- but you can not get remarried. To get remarried means to commit adultery.

I'm not writing this to condemn all of those who have divorced and remarried. Yes, you've sinned. But so have we all. So let's start from today and let Christ live through us from now on.

I'm writing this for all those who have not yet married. Choose your future spouse carefully and slowly. Keep in mind that on the average it takes five years to get to know someone well. Don't expect the person you choose to change after you marry them. All the faults you see now will not get better, they will probably become twice as bad as they are now.

Christians, do not marry a non-Christian. How do you judge whether the other person is a Christian? Look at their actions, not what they say. Do they act like a Biblical Christian?

Wait until you are married to have sex. Sex is the uniting of two people into one, so it's not something to engage in until you have become one with the other person in every way (marriage). Also consider this: do you want someone to stay with you because you're hot in bed? What happens if you become sick or incapacitated? Your "forever" lover will be out looking for someone else who is hot and you'll be left alone. Look for someone who wants YOU, not just sex with you. Someone who wants YOU will wait for sex.

Remember: sex does not prove your love for someone. Sex does not unite or bind someone else to you. Sex does not bring you love. Sex does not mean someone loves you. An intimate relationship (we call it making love, but you can't "make" love) is an expression of your loving relationship with another person; an expression of your unity with another person.